


Finding the Words

by legendaryroar



Series: Shatt Week 2018 [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Getting Together, Love Confessions, M/M, Shatt Week 2018, post-reunion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-03
Updated: 2018-08-03
Packaged: 2019-06-21 03:29:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15548613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/legendaryroar/pseuds/legendaryroar
Summary: There had always been a confession on the tip of Matt's tongue. In the Garrison, on the way to Kerberos, the cells of the Galra. But there had always been something to hold him back, doubting if it was the right moment. Then Shiro was gone and the moment was forever lost with him.Seeing Shiro again, Matt's not ready to let the chance slip by once more.





	Finding the Words

It wasn’t until the next day after his arrival at the Castle of Lions that Katie—no, _Pidge_ —finally left his side. She’d left him at his new room to sleep and then promptly barged in first thing in the morning to drag him to breakfast, talking a mile a minute, gesticulating wildly about this and that. Everything she talked about had Matt’s full attention, the technology of the castle and the lions beyond fascinating to him, but when she was called away for a mission, he couldn’t help but feel a little glad for the space. After being alone on the listening outpost for so long, having someone else talking to him non-stop for hours was just a bit much. Even if it was someone he loved and had never thought he’d see again.

After Pidge took off in the green lion for a stealth reconnaissance mission, Matt made his way up to one of the observation decks she’d shown him, tucked away from the more common areas the other castle’s inhabitants used. There was a large set of windows showing the vast space around them, and a rather comfortable set of chairs and couches.

Matt picked one of the couches and settled onto it with a sigh. As he looked out the windows to the endless space beyond, he felt tension seep from his body as he finally felt able to relax. Physically at least. In truth, his mind was still turning and turning, thoughts darting this and that way. In such a short period of time his whole world had turned upside down.

Katie— _Pidge_ —was in space. Not only that, she’d been in the Garrison, and now she flew one of the lions of _Voltron_. He couldn’t be prouder of her, but from what he’d heard of Voltron, he couldn’t help but feel anxious too. Their father was still out there somewhere, a prisoner of the Galra—or worse, _dead_ —and even if it was ridiculous, he just wanted to sweep her up and keep her from harm. But he knew better than to even try. She had her place here, and he was the newcomer. At the very least, he had a lot of catching up to do before he could even hope to talk to her about how she threw herself into danger.

And then there was Shiro. Another thing weighing heavily on his mind. He’d written Shiro off as dead a long time ago. There had been a point of time after his escape when he’d heard no more of the ‘Champion’ of the arena. At that point, he’d figured Shiro had died in the arena, or had been killed in some other way by the Galra. The rebels hadn’t known anything to contradict that, so he’d just tried to move on, as painful as that had been.

Instead, he’d found Shiro alive and leading Voltron. Not only that, he was different, not just in the way he looked now, but the way he held himself. He seemed different enough that Matt hadn’t even been sure how to greet him. Shiro pulling him into a hug had been unexpected. It had thrown Matt right back to the time they’d spent together at the arena, before Shiro had ascended to Champion and Matt had been rescued by rebels.

They’d often huddled together in the dark, holding each other tightly. So much had changed since then. _They_ had both changed since then. Back then, Matt would have died in the arena if Shiro hadn’t injured him. He’d fought in a few matches, but his learning curve for fighting alien species that didn’t conform to Earth techniques of fighting had been much longer than Shiro’s.

If Matt was put back in the arena now, he knew he could easily hold his own. But if he was put back in that arena, he didn’t think he could do as he’d done then, and kept silent all the things he felt for Shiro. He’d spent years loving him and being too afraid to tell him. He’d almost said something during those dark nights they’d been huddled together in a cell. But Shiro had been all he’d had then, the thought of pushing him away had been terrifying.

After he’d escaped, he’d cursed his own stupidity. He’d lost his chance and then he’d lost Shiro anyway. But no more.

After pulling himself out to the deepening spiral of his thoughts, he looked out at the stars and wondered if this Shiro was even the same man he’d loved. Enough time had passed, enough things had happened. Pidge had filled him in on all she knew of what had happened to Shiro after they’d been parted.

But as different as Shiro seemed, it was laughable that he could ever become someone Matt wouldn’t chase after, hopelessly in love. Just as it had always seemed laughable that Shiro could ever feel something more than friendship for him.

But that hug…

“There you are.”

Matt jerked in his seat, whirling around to see Shiro standing in the entrance to the observation room. He was leaning on the doorway with his arms folded. Contrary to his words, it seemed like he’d been standing there for a while.

With effort, Matt forced his breathing to slow as he recovered from the fright. He relaxed back into the couch and sighed.

“It’s nice up here,” he said, not really sure how else to respond.

Shiro pushed off from the doorway and crossed the room to take a seat beside him. “Quiet, I know,” he said, leaning against the back of the couch and sighing as well. “I come up here sometimes too. When the common areas are a little too crowded and loud.”

Matt watched him settled from the corner of his eye. He felt far more awkward than he probably should have. It wasn’t as if they were completely different people now. They were still Matt and Shiro. Still friends. Some time had passed, they’d each grown harder, more serious, but underneath it all, how different could they really be? Under the hardened surface?

“Katie filled in some of the blanks for me,” he offered, in case Shiro felt he had to tell his story. “Or Pidge, rather. That’s going to take some getting used to.”

Shiro laughed softly. “When they found me right after I crashed into Earth, I thought she was you. Just for a few moments, and luckily I was too groggy to say anything, but the resemblance was uncanny.”

“Why was it lucky not to say anything?” Matt asked, cursing himself as he realised he was tensing up. After a slow inhale, and equally slow exhale, he forced the tension out again.

After all this time, the last thing he wanted was for Shiro to read something into his tension and conclude the wrong thing. Matt may have convinced himself Shiro was dead, but now that he knew he was alive, he didn’t want to lose sight of him again.

His words prompted another chuckle from Shiro. “Didn’t she tell you her great scheme? Why she joined the Garrison?” he asked.

“Yeah, but she didn’t say she was keeping up the act with you guys!”

“Well, Lance was really the only one who didn’t notice,” Shiro laughed. “Although, I had an unfair advantage.”

Matt looked at him for a moment, enjoying the way his expression melted into amusement. So far, aside from when Shiro had greeted him, Shiro had seemed tense and serious about everything. It was nice to see that he hadn’t frozen that way.

“Dad would be proud of her,” he said softly. “Not taking the Garrison at their word. Demanding the truth and then doing whatever it took to get it.”

“Your dad always seemed like a stickler for the rules to me.”

Matt snorted softly. “I didn’t decide to learn how to hack out of nowhere.”

Shiro shook his head lightly and then leaned it back against the couch, closing his eyes.

“Even all this time she was looking for you, even after telling her that you were a survivor, that you’d be fine, I didn’t really believe it,” he murmured. “I thought you were dead. Your dad too. Maybe he’s out there as well, hanging on. Turns out what I said to Pidge was right, you Holts are survivors.”

Matt bit his lip and looked away. Shiro had a far better way of dealing with the shattering of that belief. He’d pulled Matt right into a hug, but Matt had stumbled and not known what to do with himself.

“I thought you were dead too,” he said quietly.

Shiro said nothing in response to that, and Matt turned his head to look at him. Shiro was looking out the window, but then turned to look at Matt as well. Both leaning back against the couch, heads turned, they were closer than they’d first seemed.

Rank really meant nothing now, except that Shiro was the leader of Voltron and Matt just a rebel. Still, there was really nothing to stop him from reaching across. Nothing to stop him from saying something. Unlike in the cells of the Galra, Matt had other people in his life now. If Shiro rejected him, if Shiro was angry with him, it wouldn’t leave him all alone. He had Katie again, and failing that, he had all the bonds he’d made amongst the rebels.

In truth, he’d thought his feelings for Shiro had faded, but seeing him again made it clear they hadn’t. Not even a little.

Maybe he’d been holding onto Shiro in his heart a lot more than he’d realised.

“I’m sorry I hurt you,” Shiro said, pulling Matt from his thoughts. “I was trying to protect you.”

“I know,” Matt answered easily. Even then, he had known.

“I couldn’t stand the thought of you dying in that arena,” Shiro continued, his posture starting to tighten, tension starting to show in every line of his body and expression. “You were everything to me in there. With your dad taken off elsewhere, you were everything. I couldn’t lose you, even if it meant I had to hurt you myself.”

It was mostly a relief to hear that, but it also hurt. It didn’t sound like how Matt felt, but it was something. And with Shiro being so honest, Matt couldn’t stop himself.

“You were everything to me too,” he said, feeling himself grow tense as well. “But not just then. Before. After. Even when I thought you were dead. You’ve always been everything to me, Takashi.”

Shiro’s eyes widened, but it could have been the easy use of his name. He’d given Matt permission a long time ago, but he’d never used it often. Usually only when teasing him and trying to make some unimportant point about something. A waste that robbed it of all its intimacy.

“I’ve always been a bit in love with you, I guess,” Matt said, just in case Shiro didn’t understand. It set his heart racing to say it, but perhaps it was better to say it now. To not let it fester between them again. To know from the outset if he needed to keep at a distance from Shiro, if this part of him was something Shiro didn’t want.

For a moment, Shiro seemed to stop breathing, his eyes almost comically wide, before he exhaled loudly and moved.

It took more than a few seconds for Matt’s brain to catch up with the fact Shiro was kissing him. That he’d leaning over and pressed their lips together. It took so long for that sensation to even register with him, that Shiro had already pulled back.

“That’s what I meant,” Shiro said, sounding breathless, like he’d been running. “When I said you were everything. You always were better with words. I never knew how to say it. Not with…not with everything that was going on.”

Matt’s mind was still fixated on how his lips felt. He could swear he still felt Shiro’s there, pressing gently. So he wasn’t really thinking about the words that came out of his mouth.

“You can say it in three words, Shiro. It’s not that hard.”

Shiro blinked at him a few times, then shook his head. “Then why’d it take you so long?” he countered.

Matt opened his mouth, but he couldn’t find the words and closed it again. Shiro looked triumphant, and then he shifted his whole body closer, bumping their foreheads and kissing him again. It was still as surprising as the first time, and Matt struggled to even remember how to kiss before Shiro pulled away again.

“I’m not the same person I was,” Shiro said softly, urgently. “Not since the last time you saw me.”

Matt knew what he was trying to say, and there were so many things he needed to say in return. But he didn’t want to get into that now. He was with Shiro again, and unlike all the times before, he was _with_ Shiro.

“Really? Since yesterday? I didn’t think a person could change so much overnight,” he quipped, reaching out and brushing his thumb along the scar crossing Shiro’s nose.

“Matt,” Shiro huffed. “I’m serious.”

Matt nodded, letting his hand drift over Shiro’s cheek to cup his jaw. He didn’t want to stop touching him, but then, he probably didn’t have to.

“Later, okay?” he asked. “Can we just…I’ve missed you.”

Shiro’s expression softened and he leaned forward so their foreheads were touching. With a soft exhale, Matt felt his whole body relax against him. He was torn between wanting them to just lie down on the couch together, or kiss some more. Both sounded equally appealing.

Shiro made the decision for him, tilting his head just a little until their lips were brushing again. Soft. Shallow. Lazy. It wasn’t long until they were lying down, Shiro sprawled over him as a comforting, heavy weight. So present, so there, and so alive.

It made him wonder how different things might have been if he’d confessed his feelings sooner. In those cells. On the way to Kerberos. All those years together in the Garrison.

It hardly mattered though, they were there now. And they had at least a few hours before Pidge would be back, dragging him away to look at ever more exciting technology. They could just be together for now, and worry about everything else later.

They had time now.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Re-posted from an old account to this, my new one. Written for Shatt Week 2018, Day 1: Confession/Healing. I chose confession =)
> 
> You can find me at [@legendaryroar](http://legendaryroar.tumblr.com) on tumblr.


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